Taking L’s and Recovering Fast
Hi there! So much has happened and I constantly feel the need to write on this topic cause I’ve received a couple of L’s(losses) lately.
The month of May started on a high note for me as I received a rather unexpected direct message on Twitter(now X) from a mutual 2 days to the end of April. A mutual who I’d never conversed with one on one sent a message asking me if I was interested in a certain vacancy at his job within his team. Honestly, I was so touched because to me this meant I was doing something right to get noticed for a job opportunity like that. I really needed the opportunity and didn’t even think before responding. On seeing the job description, I got even more excited because this was the first time I was seeing a job description that I felt aligned with me and was going to help me grow the way I wanted in the field.
About a week later I was scheduled for an interview but I was not in the right mental space for one as I was going through some personal challenges since a month prior. I was going to reschedule but I wasn’t sure when I’d finally be out of that funk and plus the last time I attempted rescheduling an interview with another company they took offense and almost cancelled. So I thought I’d wing it any way, better to at least try than not at all. Well, that was my mistake. The interview was eventually cancelled less than an hour to and rescheduled from Friday to Monday. That Monday I had a presentation for my Interswitch job shadowing program as well and these two meetings were scheduled less than 30mins apart and just the knowledge of this had me even more stressed out.
Monday came and I was a nervous wreck, on one hand I was ready for my presentation and had done several test runs the night before and everything worked perfectly and on the other hand anxiety had kicked for my scheduled interview over the weekend. So many thoughts crossed my mind including “why did they wait until the last minute to reschedule my interview? Did they already get their perfect candidate?” etc. To cut the long story short I did not do well in that interview, I felt so bad because I had disappointed this stranger who recommended me without knowing me personally but from seeing my posts and interactions on twitter. I was so disappointed in myself because I have done better in other interviews and I know I could have done so much better in this one. Like that wasn’t bad enough my presentation did not go as planned or rehearsed either. When it was my turn I shared my screen and apparently my screen was frozen or slow to change so it messed up everything. I had the team trying to help me figure out the cause of the lagging and so many voices telling me to try different things. I was so disappointed and discouraged because it felt like I was very short of luck that day as everything that could, went wrong. I’ll write in more details in my finally article about Interswitch.
These events weighed me down even more and honestly I was even considering not going for a cybersecurity conference I had already paid for that was scheduled for that weekend. It took a lot of mental work and pep talks with myself to attend that event and be as cheerful as I was while networking. Thank God we don’t look like what we’ve been through.
Now I’ve said all this to say, the first time I noticed I had a problem dealing with failure/losses/disappointments was when I failed an exam last year, you can read about it here. I was down and out for about a week and felt really discouraged and stuck cause I had never ever failed any exam before. This happened again early this year when I aced an interview but still didn’t get the role. Honestly, these two experiences sowed a seed of self doubt. I have questioned my abilities several times after these events and honestly at this moment still don’t know how to get out of it. While it’s easy to find an excuse, this time I’ve come to realize I have a problem and I’m working to tackle it to better improve myself and my skills to be able to get the results that I want. After all acceptance is the first stage to solving whatever problem one might have, isn’t it?
So many people are struggling the same way I am but no one seems to be talking about it, I hope my sharing this helps more people share their struggles and how they’re dealing with it too. I’m still learning to process my disappointments faster, I think it’s important to feel the sadness but I’m working on getting back on my grind faster and more focused. For now I just indulge in movies to take my mind off things and also throw myself into reading when possible. I isolate myself both online and offline. In a way doing these little things help me get my mind right. I’ll admit it has taken much longer to dust myself up this time, maybe it’s because I really wanted that opportunity and the other factors I can’t share. But I’ll update you when I find healthier foolproof ways to deal with my disappointments and failures whenever I figure it out. Please share any tips you have with me in comments or in my twitter dm’s. Thank you!
Until next time, find me where the good guys are!